How to Become Unemployed In Six Easy Steps
Here’s how to become unemployed in six easy steps:
1. Don’t learn anything new.
You’re a know-it-all already, right? So whatever you do, be sure not to take a computer class or graphic design workshop. Do not earn your degree or get that designation you’ve been putting off. And certainly do not become more valuable to your current employer and more appealing to a new employer by using a few of your other 8 hours to boost your skills.
2. Stick to your job description.
If your employer wants you to learn something new, they should pay you more. If they can’t afford it, stick to your job description and don’t spend any time learning how to do more than that. If there are layoffs at your company, fewer people will need to be able to handle more work.
3.Say “no” to everything.
Boss asks you to head-up a new project. “No sir” is the answer. Boss wants you to pitch in on a new account. “I’d rather not” is the answer. The less engrained you are in the company and the less involved you are in various projects, the easier it will be to get rid of you. Added bonus . . . when things turn in the economy, you won’t get those annoying job offers or promotions.
4. Become invisible.
Don’t write memos. Don’t bring your boss creative cost-cutting ideas. Don’t give workshops. Whatever you do, hide as much as possible and never show your face. This is especially true in a larger company. The fewer people who know you and like you the better.
5. Be negative.
Don’t even think about being positive. The economy sucks and life is not fair. You shouldn’t have to do three people’s jobs. Make sure you are vocal about all of your problems. Bring your bad attitude to work, so you won’t have a work to go to.
6. Work fewer hours.
Tough times are tough, so you deserve to work a little less. Don’t even think about using some of your other 8 hours to get in earlier or to stay a little later. Find out if your boss (or even better, your boss’ boss) is going to be in on the weekend. If so, be sure to brag to them on Monday morning about how you laid around the house all weekend.
There are millions of hardworking folks who sacrificed long hours to their jobs who got laid off. If you follow these six simple steps, you too will be unemployed in no time!
